


sled gang? sled gang.

by drunkfish



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Deaf Clint Barton, Everyone Is Gay, Excessive Use Of Strong Language, F/F, Gay Rights, Lesbian Character, M/M, Maximoff Twins-centric, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Not ScarletVision Friendly, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Useless Lesbians, Wanda Maximoff Is Trying Her Best, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, fixed repeating conversation mistake, they all cope differently
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkfish/pseuds/drunkfish
Summary: lokinator: do any of you bitches kno how to do hexesdaddylonglang: wtf whylokinator: curiositylokinator: also running outta patience might fuck a frog lateriamspeed: wanda has a ouija board ?daddylonglang: w t f.  w h y.maxifuckoff: to tell my mother i love her lmaoiamspeed: eye-daddylonglang: anna ou-lokinator: adding “lmao” doesn’t hide ur hurtmaxifuckoff: yes it does lmaoor - Wanda can’t help that trouble never strays from finding her, especially after catching the attention of Natasha Romanoff. Stephen struggles to separate sexual tension from hate when it comes to Tony. Steve fights his desperation for reconciliation with his ex best friend, knowing some actions can’t be undone. Pietro finds that running away from his problems isn’t a solution to Peter Parker.But hey, when shit hits the fan, you tend to bond with whoever has an umbrella.Group chat fic + future literary scenes.





	1. Locker Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> ao3 formatting has fried my brain and i've had like 7 drafts delete so i'm praying this works.
> 
> catch up:  
> \- they're all upperclassmen  
> \- it takes a minute for shit to start up bc,, drama has to build, ya feel me?  
> \- i love pietro maximoff and the fact that they scrapped him in endgame pissed me off :)  
> \- title inspired by "skate fast eat ass" which i highly recommend. also i fckin love dan the meme man don't @ me.  
> \- EDIT: copy and paste issue fixed, thanks Crystal!

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

Monday  
1:03 AM

lokinator: do any of you bitches kno how to do hexes 

daddylonglang: wtf why 

lokinator: curiosity 

lokinator: also running outta patience might fuck a frog later 

iamspeed: wanda has a ouija board ?

daddylonglang: w t f. w h y.

maxifuckoff: to tell my mother i love her lmao 

iamspeed: eye-

daddylonglang: anna ou-

lokinator: adding “lmao” doesn’t hide ur hurt 

maxifuckoff: yes it does lmao 

—

5:48 AM

drsparklythot: what the fuck

buckoobs: 1 am is when emo wanda awakens

iamspeed: wanda is always emo 

iamspeed: have u seen her wardrobe 

iamspeed: it's a cry for help 

drsparklythot: we been knew 

maxifuckoff: it’s 5 am and i’m already being attacced :(

lokinator: ah shit hela’s online 

buckoobs: here we go

gotohela: it’s 5 am wHY are u fuckers awake

drsparklythot: we have school in an hour? 

gotohela: aren’t u clever steph curry

gotohela: i’m not falling for your fake asses again

gotohela: it’s sunday boo

daddylonglang: who’s gonna tell her 

maxifuckoff: hela

maxifuckoff: baby

maxifuckoff: light of my life 

maxifuckoff: [alarm.jpg]

gotohela: fUCKSKD

lokinator: hA

lokinator: fuckin kick my snake again trick ass bitch

iamspeed: she’s gonna shove the flag pole up ur ass

lokinator: bold of you to assume that wasn’t my plan the entire time 

maxifuckoff: eye- 

iamspeed: lol mood

iamspeed: get in linesnsjsjsj eebvdjds sbueve 

iamspeed: wanda just yoted a milk jug at my head

daddylonglang: hot

daddylonglang: can i be next 

maxifuckoff has left the chat

daddylonglang: is that a no

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

6:45 AM

starknaked: lol hela just locked sophomore flash in some random ass locker 

hulkhogan: disappointed but not surprised 

hulkhogan: why tho 

starknaked: idk and i’m too afraid to ask

starknaked: @thork come get ur sister 

thork: and die? no thanks

starknaked: k but mood

starknaked: ksjsksjsk flash is crying 

starknaked: whO’s locker is this

clintoris: lmao what if they’re absent

starknaked: sounds like a flash problem then

hulkhogan: tony.

starknaked: sorry lol

hulkhogan: which locker is it?

starknaked: looks like A-376

starknaked: at least that’s what it sounds like

starknaked: his crying echoes idk

starknaked: come rip it open with those big smexy arms ;)

hulkhogan: like 98% sure that’s illegal

clintoris: wait

clintoris: r u positive it’s A-376

starknaked: yeah someone just tried to open it

starknaked: they were unsuccessful 

clintoris: ...isn’t that maximoff’s locker 

hulkhogan: o no

starknaked: LMAO

starknaked: wish i could say it was nice knowing flash

starknaked: but it wasn’t 

clintoris: drop an f in chat 

starknaked: f

thork: f

hulkhogan: f 

—

6:57 AM

clintoris: [wandayeetingflash.mov]

—

pass the juul

7:01 AM

 

drsparklythot added maxifuckoff to the chat

 

drsparklythot: is wanda ditching again 

gotohela: lmao nah we in housed rn 

drsparklythot: ITS FIRST PERIOD 

gotohela: it’s fourth period somewhere 

gotohela: flash called me james charles what was i supposed to do 

drsparklythot: walk away 

gotohela: i’m a whore not a coward 

drsparklythot: fair point 

drsparklythot: did y’all jump flash i stg

iamspeed: did u not hear the screaming ?

drsparklythot: i was busy 

iamspeed: doing what 

gotohela: watching early bird pe like a lil hoe

drsparklythot: you’re one to talk 

drsparklythot: and have you seen some of the sr in there 

drsparklythot: daddies 

iamspeed: /anyways/

iamspeed: [wandayeetingflash.mov]

drsparklythot: dear lord 

drsparklythot: did she have to throw him THAT far

gotohela: i would have 

iamspeed: why isn’t she online 

iamspeed: u are ??

gotohela: fury sat her next to his desk 

gotohela: so now she’s just sittin there radiating BDE

iamspeed: why her and not you 

gotohela: i make passionate direct eye contact until he moves me 

drsparklythot: ofc you do 

gotohela: [wanda.jpg]

gotohela: look at our lil emo bb

drsparklythot: she looks like she wants to kill you 

gotohela: i know!!!

gotohela: so adorable skdks

iamspeed: big yikes 

lokinator: wtf i wanna be in in house 

iamspeed: in in 

lokinator: stfu u dry ass blonde 

iamspeed: :(

drsparklythot: chill 

lokinator: no 

lokinator: ima get sent to in house 

drsparklythot: ofc u are 

drsparklythot: mind blessing us with ur plan 

lokinator: who said i have one 

iamspeed: that’s not terrifying at all

lokinator: :)

—

oompa loompas got ass

7:23 AM

iamthecaptainnow: Not to alarm you, Thor.

iamthecaptainnow: But Loki just decked Rumlow.

thork: whAT

thork: why ???

iamthecaptainnow: I don’t know.

iamthecaptainnow: He was on his phone and just? Stood up, walked over to Rumlow, and BOOM.

starknaked: CLAP THE SOUND OF MY HEART BEAT GO ON AND ON 

hulkhogan: tony.

starknaked: sorry dorry 

iamthecaptainnow: @thork is your entire family getting suspended or somth?

thork: bold of you to assume they speak to me

natassha: ooft 

natassha: you doing okay larry

thork: no

starknaked: lmao so should we be worried abt getting rekt by your egglings

thork: loki is adopted 

tony: rekt by your household members***

thork: i will find out 

natassha: ominous but k 

—

don’t click

(members:  
gotohela (Hela Odinson),  
thork (Thor Odinson).)

7:29 AM

thork: hela 

gotohela: read my user 

thork: :( 

gotohela: what do you want 

thork: what’s going on 

gotohela: gotta give me a lil more than that big boy 

thork: you and loki have caused disruptions all morning

gotohela: nothing new 

thork: coincidence or conspiracy 

gotohela: ;)

thork: get back online 

thork: hela

thork: hELA

—

pass the juul

7:32 AM

gotohela: are we starting shit so early for a reason or

drsparklythot: are you three******

gotohela: eat my ass

iamspeed: he’s vegan 

drsparklythot: and animals can’t consent to sexual intercorse :/

lokinator: sister snatched 

gotohela: i’ll sell you both on ebay for 16 cents 

lokinator: do it pussy

—

8:00 AM

gotohela: i’m bored

drsparklythot: aww is being restricted from interacting with the student body bc u r a safety hazard not as much fun as you planned :(

gotohela: i smell a bitch 

iamspeed: how long is wanda and cosmo’s sentence 

iamspeed: vision won’t stop asking me where she is 

daddylonglang: WANDA AND COSMO SKDJJD

gotohela: wanda is out at lunch cuzzz apparently it’s my fault flash ended up in her locker lol

drsparklythot: ohmygodrlly

gotohela: is vision still obsessed abt wanda 

iamspeed: yeah 

iamspeed: he stopped for awhile 

iamspeed: but then wanda threatened to suck his dick to shut him up last tuesday 

drsparklythot: she what 

iamspeed: and now he won’t stop talking to us 

daddylonglang: catch me never stop talking around wanda 

buckoobs: y'all a whole bunch of nasty 

drsparkythot: she w h a t

gotohela: isn’t vis like a sophomore or some shit

iamspeed: mhm but he’s smart af

iamspeed: sounding like google i stg

iamspeed: never ask him for the weather

drsparklythot: am i just supposed to ignore that

gotohela: doesn’t he have a hand kink 

iamspeed: he nuts every time wanda plays with her rings :,)

drsparklythot: am i the only one who READ THAT

iamspeed: god you’re such a virgin 

gotohela: your inexperience is showing 

drsparklythot: who in their right mind threatens /that/

iamspeed: bold of you to assume wanda’s in her right mind 

gotohela: have any of us truly been since 2012

iamspeed: facts no printer 

buckoobs: pietro just threatened to shove his phone so far up vision’s ass he’ll have to use his teeth to text 

daddylonglang: this is why jesus hates us 

drsparklythot: wbk

—

[click to name chat!]

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark).)

starknaked added impeterparker to the chat

starknaked: heyy 

starknaked: just checking in 

starknaked: how’s your first day at marvel goingg 

impeterparker: good mr stark ! 

starknaked: ew that’s what u call my father

starknaked: call me tony 

impeterparker: got it 

starknaked: look

starknaked: i’m not just talking to you bc howard told me to

starknaked: or bc you were ben’s nephew 

starknaked: you’re practically my kid brother 

impeterparker: :,) 

starknaked: and i vow to fuck up every kid that treats u any different 

impeterparker: thank you tony <3

starknaked: :-)

starknaked: sooo

starknaked: how’s your classes 

impeterparker: pretty easy so far 

impeterparker: thought i’d be more behind tbh

impeterparker: everyone seems nicer than midtown tho

starknaked: coolcoolcool

starknaked: any cowgirls catch ur attention yet? 

starknaked: or cowboys i don’t judge 

impeterparker: there’s no cowboys in new york

starknaked: cowboys it is ;)

impeterparker: ...

impeterparker: anyone ever tell you your name is practically toe knee

starknaked: i will pay hela odinson to throw you in a locker 

impeterparker: your eyes are the most magnificent shade of caramel brown i’ve ever seen :-))

starknaked: that’s what i thot

—

pass the juul

11:30 AM

gotohela: wanda looks like she’s gonna shit a brick 

lokinator: it’s very entertaining 

gotohela: why does fury have to be such an opp

gotohela: we just tryna chill 

drsparklythot: you guys complain an awful lot even though you’re in s u s p e n s i o n 

gotohela: sometimes i forget you’re equally disciplinary challenged as us 

lokinator: you been sounding like an opp all morning

iamspeed: le gasp

iamspeed: i smell something fishy 

buckoobs: hela close ur legs 

gotohela: read my username 

lokinator: #stephensgoneopp

drsparklythot: h a ha 

drsparklythot: i’m just concerned about who’s gonna buy scott orange slices during lunch if loki isn’t there 

daddylonglang: aww

drsparklythot: bc he’s a bitcch when he’s hungry

daddylonglang: smh

buckoobs: i have plums 

daddylonglang: no one wants ur fucking plums bucky

buckoobs: your mom didn’t want you either but look where we r 

daddylonglang: wbk

iamspeed: i-

gotohela: homiecide 

drsparklythot: hela i stg

gotohela: i saw my opportunity and i took it 

lokinator: wanda just asked why she has to be up front if fury has to physically turn to see her i’m- 

buckoobs: we love a trooper


	2. Get McRekt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drsparklythot: wanda may be socially unacceptable but we’re all here for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m like holding myself back from having any romantic interactions yet. don’t worry, it gets there. also last chapter i like hit copy and paste 12x times so i lost a lot of good activity but we’re gonna keep on striving bc my mom didn’t raise a quitter.

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

Still Monday  
12:00 PM 

maxifuckoff: bet you thot you saw the last of me

maxifuckoff: that room was a fucking nightmare no cap 

buckoobs: we could hear fury screaming from the 900’s hallway

daddylonglang: yeah 

daddylonglang: you good, wandwand?

maxifuckoff: don’t call me that 

daddylonglang: baby :(

daddylonglang: don’t roast me in front of the guys 

maxifuckoff: i’ll fuck ur mom don’t test me 

lokinator: LMAO

lokinator: are all your threats sexual bc i’m vibing with it

maxifuckoff: it’s an effective tactic 

buckoobs: you kinky lil munchkin 

maxifuckoff: @gotohela buy me french fries 

gotohela: no 

maxifuckoff: :(

gotohela: i’ve lost almost $50 this month to your french fry addiction 

maxifuckoff: >:(

maxifuckoff: pls 

gotohela: nope

maxifuckoff: :(( 

maxifuckoff: pls

gotohela: no 

maxifuckoff: fine i’ll just find another sugar mommy smh

maxifuckoff: @buckoobs ditch with me after lunch

drsparklythot: didn’t you /just/ get out of in house?

maxifuckoff: what are you,, a cop ??

drsparklythot: omfg

buckoobs: k where 

maxifuckoff: mcdonalds

maxifuckoff: everyone’s invited 

daddylonglang: i don’t have any money 

iamspeed: ^ 

drsparklythot: we also have a test after lunch 

daddylonglang: no one asked 

lokinator: #stephenprotectionsquad2k19

maxifuckoff: it’s on me 

iamspeed: u don’t even own a wallet

maxifuckoff: i have hela’s credit card ;)

gotohela: you have What

maxifuckoff: love and support :)

gotohela: how the fuCk did u get my card

maxifuckoff: i grabbed it from ur bag when ms hill was yelling at us oop

gotohela: i’ve put people in comas for less

maxifuckoff: yeahh but you love me honey bear ;)

gotohela: call me that again and i’ll throw you outta two story window 

maxifuckoff: :)) 

buckoobs: meet up at my car? 

maxifuckoff: yeye 

iamspeed: never say that again 

lokinator: hela and i will meet you imbeciles after we’re dismissed from this hell hole 

buckoobs: kk

—

12:48 PM

buckoobs: we’re bouta leave 

drsparklythot: wait for me i’m grabbing my jacket

iamspeed: knew you couldn’t resist 

drsparklythot: oh shut up pie face

iamspeed: woW incredible insult

iamspeed: definitely didn’t see that coming !!!

drsparklythot: i’m gonna slip bucky $10 so he hits you with the car 

buckoobs: accepted 

iamspeed: obama wouldn’t treat me like this 

buckoobs: ew stephen why are u walking like that 

drsparklythot: it’s called light jogging 

iamspeed: stop it’s disgustang 

drsparklythot: the hallways are crawling with monitors stfu

iamspeed: it’s dangerous to text and cross streets stephen. 

buckoobs: lmao where’s wanda 

daddylonglang: pietro?

iamspeed: how would i kno

iamspeed: i’m literally in the car with you 

daddylonglang: don’t you have twin intuition or something 

iamspeed: i’m her twin not a fckin mind reader 

daddylonglang: it was just a suggestion

iamspeed: a stupid suggestion 

buckoobs: stop hitting each other you’re rocking the car 

drsparklythot: what the fck did wanda do 

buckoobs: oh my god 

maxifuckoff: sTART THE CARSJEJSJN

maxifuckoff: jsjskwksid

drsparklythot: whY ARE YOU RUNNING 

buckoobs: lmao is that mr coulson chasing u?

buckoobs: fUCK IT IS 

daddylonglang: you can make it!!!

daddylonglang: we believe in you!!!

iamspeed: no we don’t 

daddylonglang: i believe in you!!!

maxifuckoff: wHY ISHe SOF AST

drsparklythot: noah fence but i think you’re just slow

drsparklythot: pietro stop spectating 

daddylonglang: he called you something in sokoviansjejjd

daddylonglang: slap me again coward 

daddylonglang: i was JOKING

buckoobs: wanda ima drive off if you don’t accelerate 

maxifuckoff: d o i loojk like s onic

buckoobs: you don’t want me to answer that 

maxifuckoff: uNlock THE DOOR 

buckoobs: it’s about fuckin time 

drsparklythot: that was embarrassing to watch

buckoobs: took so long pietro almost graduated 

buckoobs: and we all know how long that’s gonna take 

buckoobs: OW alright alright i’m dRiving 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

1:00 PM

natassha: clint? 

natassha: are you hiding in the vents again?

hulkhogan: he’s in the nurse's office 

natassha: what why 

hulkhogan: coulson was chasing wanda maximoff down the hallway and crashed into him while he was changing his hearing aid battery

hulkhogan: and he lost the battery so he’s getting a replacer 

iamthecaptainnow: Is he okay?

hulkhogan: yeah but he’s keeps insisting he needs to go home lol

natassha: mr thanos is assigning the partners for absents and i don’t want to be partners with tony smh

starknaked: i’m like the smartest thot in this class

natassha: yeah but you procrastinate 

natassha: and i’m not staying up til 3 am listening to AC/DC while you try and do a months work in an hour 

starknaked: i work better under pressure 

natassha: no u don’t 

hulkhogan: no u don’t 

iamthecaptainnow: No, you don’t. 

starknaked: you’re all biased 

hulkhogan: sophomore year you started crying because you forgot how to change the powerpoint title

natassha: freshman year you broke three keyboards trying to type a thesis 

iamthecaptainnow: I don’t think I have to mention Junior year. 

clintoris: exbosed 

starknaked: i feel so disrespected 

natassha: <3 

starknaked: <|3 

thork: :o 

— 

pass the juul 

1:20 PM 

gotohela: we’ve arrived peasants 

maxifuckoff: i can feel the love in the air 

gotohela: you’re already on thin fucking ice maximoff 

maxifuckoff: >:) 

daddylonglang: we’re by the playset 

iamspeed: the only valid spot 

maxifuckoff: i hope you fall off that net 

iamspeed: you wishdhhsjsjshsgsucns

maxifuckoff: …

maxifuckoff: no regerts 

drsparklythot: did u just quote the milky way commercial 

maxifuckoff: did u just fucking talk to me 

gotohela: get mcrekt stephen 

lokinator: it smells like sweat and self deprecation in here 

lokinator: i love it 

daddylonglang: I’m loving it~ ***

lokinator: do you want to die ?

daddylonglang: have been for awhile 

lokinator: o h 

iamspeed: woah 

buckoobs: damn uh 

gotohela: deep 

drsparklythot: you wanna talk scott? 

maxifuckoff: we all care 

maxifuckoff: deep deep deep down even hela cares

gotohela: wow 

gotohela: accurate tho 

daddylonglang: lol i was just kidding chill

daddylonglang: i’m good 

iamspeed: x for doubt 

drsparklythot: x

maxifuckoff: x 

buckoobs: x 

gotohela: x 

lokinator: x 

daddylonglang: it’s all chill 

daddylonglang: i asked for chicken nuggets not emotional support 

daddylonglang: but thanks guys

drsparklythot: wanda may be socially unacceptable but we’re all here for you 

maxifuckoff: hEY

gotohela: is he wrong tho 

maxifuckoff: ,, choke 

lokinator: are we not gonna acknowledge that pietro is screaming 

maxifuckoff: he probably saw his reflection 

iamspeed: this fckin lil dick just threatened me on the slide 

maxifuckoff: wtf who 

iamspeed: his name is jeffery and i’m gonna fck his shit UP

drsparklythot: sometimes i genuinely worry about you pietro

maxifuckoff: a natural reaction 

buckoobs: is that 

maxifuckoff: pIET 

maxifuckoff: pUT THE TODDLER DOWN 

—

oompa loompas got ass 

3:00 PM

starknaked: did you guys see loki’s snapchat

iamthecaptainnow: Yeah.

clintoris: i can’t believe they managed to get banned from mcdonalds

hulkhogan: they,, what?

iamthecaptainnow: I heard it was Pietro’s fault lol.

hulkhogan: that’s not surprising. he’s very… exuberant.

iamthecaptainnow: That’s an understatement.

starknaked: kid is like the energizer bunny on crack 

thork: one time he tried to do a backflip at the park and his head ended up in the leg hole of a swing. we had to call the fire department.

clintoris: sounds about right 

clintoris: @natassha stop ghosting the chat 

starknaked: she’s got a case of the Big Mad

clintoris: why 

starknaked: she’s bitter about her partner 

clintoris: w h y 

natassha: tony forced steve to be his partner like the little petty jerk he is 

starknaked: :D

natassha: and naturally i hate every other bitch in that class

natassha: so i was assigned a partner 

natassha: you wanna know who thanos partners me up with???

clintoris: whomst ?

natasha: loki. fucking. odinson.

thork: oh 

thork: o h 

thork: oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clintoris: LMAO
> 
> -
> 
> one time i was actually banned from walgreens sjjdjdjd


	3. Ms. Keisha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daddylonglang: bruh did my wife just fckin die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- @ ppl who color code their notes,, u guys r gods fr  
> \- this chapter doesn’t have that much wild stuff, it’s more of a filler so i can spill the tea next chapter  
> \- i fixed a small mistake on the recent chapter yesterday so u can reread it if u want

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

Tuesday  
8:00 AM 

lokinator: eye-

lokinator: thanos paired me up with r*manoff 

maxifuckoff: who tf is that 

lokinator: natasha r*manoff ???

maxifuckoff: y r u censoring her name 

drsparklythot: you’re an actual idiot wanda 

maxifuckoff: :,(

lokinator: legend says if u say it three times she’ll spawn behind u with a chainsaw

maxifuckoff: romanoff 

lokinator: NO 

maxifuckoff: romanoff 

lokinator: I SWER TO G OD 

maxifuckoff: romanoff 

lokinator: can i speak at ur funeral 

 

maxifuckoff has left the chat 

 

daddylonglang: bruh did my wife just fckin die

buckoobs: waNDA? wANDA?

buckoobs: omfg she fckin dead 

drsparklythot: you four are the reason jesus abandoned this timeline 

 

drsparklythot added maxifuckoff to the chat 

 

maxifuckoff: clickbait 

lokinator: she probably saw ur face and got scared ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

lokinator: not my problem

lokinator: i’m more concerned with my CRISIS

buckoobs: natasha isn't that bad 

lokinator: she’s like a snarky rabid orangutan with great hair 

gotohela: shes iconic idk what ur smoking

maxifuckoff: i’ve never heard of her whoops 

buckoobs: you actually live under a rock 

maxifuckoff: i have more important things to do

buckoobs: like what???

maxifuckoff: something that requires intellectual value

maxifuckoff: you can’t relate

buckoobs: watching home alone on loop and stuffing your face with bread requires intellectual value???

maxifuckoff: yes.

maxifuckoff: kevin mccallister is an american hero don’t @ me

lokinator: we stan a blonde daddy 

iamspeed: why do u even have a partner lol

drsparklythot: thanos has been talking abt our project for like ? a month ? pietro ?

iamspeed: nerd

lokinator: thanos ass/igned us partners cause we were all ~coincidentally~ absent

drsparklythot: fml 

drsparklythot: that class only has dimwits in it 

lokinator: well i’d rather be partnered with an idiot than a hothead 

maxifuckoff: you’re a hothead too sweaty ;)

lokinator: yeah but like,, i’m charming 

lokinator: she’s just terrifying no cap 

maxifuckoff: aw is loki scared :(

lokinator: no wtf

lokinator: i just don’t want my arm dislocated bc i didn’t indent a paragraph 

maxifuckoff: s c a r e d 

lokinator: i have a knife in my locker, maximoff 

maxifuckoff: sexy 

maxifuckoff: k but like,, imagine her beating ur ass 

maxifuckoff: or anyone rlly

maxifuckoff: it’d be hilarious 

lokinator: it would NOT 

lokinator: i have a reputation thanks

drsparklythot: just request to change partners

drsparklythot: your dumb is really popping today 

lokinator: you think he would let me ??

lokinator: thanos looks like he wants to choke me every time i b r e a t h e

maxifuckoff: don’t worry 

maxifuckoff: we all do 

lokinator: h a h a

lokinator: i hope your partner’s a bitch who color codes her notes 

maxifuckoff: that’s mean >:(

—

[click to name chat!]

(members:  
pigeonkink (Sam Wilson),  
clintoris (Clint Barton).)

9:30 AM

pigeonkink: what'd i miss in big chins class

clintoris: ig we got partners 

clintoris: i missed yesterday lol 

pigeonkink: fck 

pigeonkink: thanks 

clintoris: yuh

clintoris: half the class was gone yesterday so it’s gonna be confusion 

pigeonkink: as long as i don’t get bucky i’ll be fine 

pigeonkink: he glued my hand to our cell project last time 

clintoris: akdjdjdj why 

pigeonkink: i fell asleep while he was labeling 

pigeonkink: he thot it was a personal attacc

pigeonkink: i had to walk around with a nucleus stuck to my hand for THREE days 

pigeonkink: aND he thinks he’s some baddie bc he can grow facial hair 

pigeonkink: so what if he’s attractive 

pigeonkink: and has the legs of a god 

pigeonkink: doesn’t mean i like him 

pigeonkink: motorcycles aren’t even like,, a thing anymore 

pigeonkink: i have a beard too barnes eat my ass 

clintoris: i-

clintoris: i’m getting mixed signals 

—

pass the juul 

11:37 AM 

iamspeed: should i join track again 

maxifuckoff: … if u want? 

iamspeed: i mean i want to n i’m the fastest bitch in this school 

iamspeed: but it’s kinda expensive this year 

buckoobs: isn’t erik rich af 

iamspeed: yeah but it’s big awkward 

iamspeed: “i hate ur guts with everything in me but lol here’s my uniform fee :))”

lokinator: what happened to ur BDE ???

iamspeed: my dick fell off 

lokinator: oop

lokinator: what a waste 

iamspeed: what 

lokinator: what

maxifuckoff: erik paid it last year piet

iamspeed: yeah but that was him trying to buy forgiveness ;)

iamspeed: idk anymore 

maxifuckoff: just do what makes u happy 

maxifuckoff: i’ll talk to erik 

iamspeed: rlly?

maxifuckoff: yeahh

iamspeed: thx ily <3 !!!

daddylonglang: aww babe look at u being a supportive sister

maxifuckoff: shut up footfetish

daddylonglang: I DON THAVE A FOOT FETISH

gotohela: that’s what a foot fetisher would say 

lokinator: gasp 

buckoobs: r u thots kink shaming poor scotty

buckoobs: so what if he’s sexually involved with feet

daddylonglang: i. don’t. have. a. foot. fetish.

maxifuckoff: nothing wrong with having a foot fetish.

maxifuckoff: in bed or not.

maxifuckoff: it’s /scott/ having a foot fetish /in bed/.

lokinator: wait 

lokinator: how do U kno scott has a foot fetish /in bed/ 

maxifuckoff: 

daddylonglang: tea 

buckoobs: [eyes emoji]

iamspeed: yeeted

gotohela: snatched 

maxifuckoff: u got me there

drsparklythot: suddenly i’m intrigued 

drsparklythot: do continue wandwand

lokinator: o m g

lokinator: is stephen encouraging us ? for once ?

drsparklythot: i encourage any attack on wanda 

maxifuckoff: :(

lokinator: you never answered the question wandwand :^))

maxifuckoff: i plead the fifth ?

drsparklythot: that’s not how it works-

maxifuckoff: yes it is 

lokinator: hold up ima call my lawyer 

lokinator: matt always knows what’s up

iamspeed: why do u have a go-to lawyer 

gotohela: ever since i threw that burning printer at scourge we’ve been required to have one :/

iamspeed: ah okay

maxifuckoff: yahyeet 

lokinator: i’ve called matt,, 

maxifuckoff: what'd he say mullet boy 

lokinator: 

lokinator: i’m reporting u for harassment 

lokinator: see u in court bitch

maxifuckoff: lets do it baby i know the law 

drsparklythot: i’m,,

drsparklythot: that’s enough social time for today

—

[click to name chat!]

(members:  
clintoris (Clint Barton).)

1:30 PM

 

clintoris added maxifuckoff to the chat

 

clintoris: god i’m gonna regret this 

maxifuckoff: aww clinty :( 

maxifuckoff: that’s no way to greet a friend!!!

clintoris: annnnd i’m regretting it 

maxifuckoff: aw c’mon!!! 

maxifuckoff: we’re partners now!!! 

maxifuckoff: we’ve been chosen for each other! 

maxifuckoff: we’re soulmates!

maxifuckoff: an unbreakable bond!

maxifuckoff: we’re practically married for more than 10 years, own a big house with a pool, and have 3 beautiful kids and a dog who’s expecting!!!

clintoris: i do the poster and you do the talking? 

maxifuckoff: thank god 

maxifuckoff: u wanna do it at my house 

maxifuckoff: i have a minifridge ;))

clintoris: u know exactly how to win my heart maximoff 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

5:36 PM

starknaked: lmao u alive clint? 

clintoris: lowkey still shocked

hulkhogan: if she gets too much to handle u can always talk to thanos. he’ll understand. 

clintoris: lmao it’s fine 

clintoris: she’s actually not that bad

clintoris: we’ve been talking all night

starknaked: o no 

starknaked: clint’s been compromised 

starknaked: she’s using that witchcraft shtick on u buddy

clintoris: she doesn’t do witchcraft 

clintoris: but she does have a turtle named magnet 

starknaked: … neat?

natassha: she offered u food didn’t she 

clintoris: mayhaps 

clintoris: have u ever even had a conversation with her tony 

starknaked: i don’t have to ?

starknaked: we both have a mutual hate going on

hulkhogan: she’s not someone you want to get to know either 

hulkhogan: i almost fell out a window first time i interacted with her 

natassha: should i feel uncultured that i’ve never come in contact with her ?

starknaked: you should feel blessed***

hulkhogan: just watch yourself clint 

hulkhogan: her lil gang of misfits r unpredictable 

clintoris: yeah yeah whatever 

—

pass the juul

11:45 PM

maxifuckoff: i’m going to ttttttttttarget

maxifuckoff: anyone wanna come with 

gotohela: i just put on my face mask loser

lokinator: ^

drsparklythot: it’s almost midnight???

maxifuckoff: ik but im bored 

drsparklythot: go to bed 

maxifuckoff: ew lmao why would i do that 

drsparklythot: so u can function like a normal person for /one/ day

maxifuckoff: my crocs and i politely decline 

gotohela: why don’t u go with pietro 

maxifuckoff: he fell asleep in the bathtub with a kfc bucket on his head 

maxifuckoff: so ima not 

daddylonglang: i would join but im finding ants for my farm rn

maxifuckoff: …

maxifuckoff: i’m not even gonna ask 

—

Wednesday  
1:33 AM

maxifuckoff: update i’m hiding from security in some supply closet with a stranger 

maxifuckoff: his name is sam and he smells incredible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in “uncanny avengers: the red shadow” comic, wanda says oof- and my skin has never been this clear


	4. Where’s Waldo?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> starknaked: what the fucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewrote this chapter like 6 times and still hate it bc in my opinion it’s boring af and still major build up but ookk 
> 
> -
> 
> chap 5 is halfway written so give me the weekend maybe 
> 
> -
> 
> tony is not a bad guy, it’ll be revealed why him and wanda want to deck it out

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

Wednesday  
1:35 AM

maxifuckoff: this dude has SWIMMING GOGGLES he’s so prepared and amazing i love him 

gotohela: did u get high in fucking target 

maxifuckoff: n o

maxifuckoff: jsjskskjdjd jsjdjsjdjdjkskaksksidiej

drsparklythot: i take no responsibility for this 

daddylonglang: DONT WORRY BABY ILL COME AND GET U 

daddylonglang: WAT TARGT R U @

maxifuckoff: ur ants tho !!!

daddylonglang: my ants can eat my ass

maxifuckoff: gross nooooo it’s ok

maxifuckoff: mmm nigty night

daddylonglang: ???

buckoobs: are u gonna sleep in there?

buckoobs: jfc wanda

—

5:38 AM

iamspeed: WHERE’S WANDA

gotohela: fuckin rekt in some target lmao 

iamspeed: WHAT 

iamspeed: WHY HOW WHAT 

drsparklythot: calm down hippy

drsparklythot: she’s probably still asleep 

gotohela: yeah she’s big fine 

iamspeed: WHY IS SHE ASLEEP IN TARGET

gotohela: we only go hard in this crew 

gotohela: go big or go home blonde bitch

gotohela: catch tf up pietro 

drsparklythot: a l s o

drsparklythot: why were u asleep in the bathtub with a kfc bucket on ur head

iamspeed: this isn’t abt me 

lokinator: gay 

iamspeed: oMg

iamspeed: she didn’t do the shebang in a target closet right,,???

gotohela: LMAO

daddylonglang: r u assuming she’s cheating on me 

iamspeed: y’all aren’t even dating 

daddylonglang: >:,^(

buckoobs: pietro saying y’all cleared my skin

lokinator: u act like u have acne bitcg

iamspeed: i’m going to look for her 

drsparklythot: geeeeee don’t let us stop u !!!

daddylonglang: there’s a track meeting in 20 minutes tho 

iamspeed: idc skittles

gotohela: go to the track meeting u sexy piece of garbage

gotohela: i’ll look for the jackass

gotohela: i was planning on skipping first period anyways fuckers

lokinator: where’s waldo siko mode activated

daddylonglang: can i come with :))!!

gotohela: oh god no

daddylonglang: :((

buckoobs: can i ? 

gotohela: sure 

daddylonglang: saddylonglang :,(

—

[click to name chat!]

(members:  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

6:02 AM

gotohela named the chat “search party ~> idiots”

 

gotohela added buckoobs, and maxifuckoff 

 

buckoobs added pigeonkink 

 

gotohela: i’m guessing that’s mr fragrance 

buckoobs: unfortunately 

gotohela: k omw we’re taking my g wagon 

buckoobs: YES 

buckoobs: wanda needs to go missing more 

—

 

Snapchat

-  
Bucky  
5 mins ago  
[Hela Odinson flipping off Bucky Barnes, through the window of her sleek black 2019 Mercedes Benz G-Class, as he’s walking towards it.]  
“| on our way to steal ur gurl ;))) |”

\- -  
Bucky  
3 mins ago  
[Hela Odinson’s green illuminating stereo, reading ‘Track 5 - Welcome To The Black Par…’]  
“| if any1 sees 2 dumbasses that go by the names Sam Wilson and Wanda Maximoff lmk |”

 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

7:25 AM

natassha: k but ms hill is so fucking hot 

natassha: she has full permission to rail me no cap 

clintoris: where did this come from???

natassha: she’s subbing my first period 

natassha: her THIGHS

starknaked: hill stretched and nat snapped her pencil oop

natassha: i’m gonna get sent to her office just to see her cross her arms kansjskdk

starknaked: natasha??? gay trash?? confirmed 

starknaked: oE OW DELETE DELETE

iamthecaptainnow: It’s so weird not hearing Wanda and Hela yelling and throwing paint brushes across the room…

iamthecaptainnow: Almost like we’re in an art class…

starknaked: do i smell shade 

iamthecaptainnow: No, just an observation.

iamthecaptainnow: Okay maybe a little shade.

starknaked: never thought i’d witness god himself throw dirt to us less worthy 

iamthecaptainnow: They aren’t annoying or anything.

iamthecaptainnow: But Mr Gast has absolutely no control over them it’s terrifying. 

iamthecaptainnow: One time he tried to dress code Hela and lemme tell you I had to wash MY mouth out after /hearing/ what she said.

iamthecaptainnow: And only Stephen can get Wanda to settle down and he just looks #killme.

hulkhogan: sometimes i think stephen has more control over wanda than wanda does

thork: why isn’t hela in class 

starknaked: when is she ever in class

thork: fair point 

natassha: haven’t you heard? 

thork: heard what 

natassha: sam and wanda maximoff were swallowed by target last night 

natassha: or at least that’s what i’ve heard

starknaked: what the fucky 

starknaked: n here i was thinkin target was a spitter skdjfjje wink wonky

iamthecaptainnow: Gross, Tones.

starknaked: no but tbh wish my life was that exciting 

hulkhogan: u pushed thor off a roof last saturday 

starknaked: ??? for science 

starknaked: i’m like p sure sam wilson does it daily tho 

starknaked: i need to live a little 

thork: - words said before disaster 

iamthecaptainnow: Waaaaait

iamthecaptainnow: When did Sam start hanging out with Wanda Maximoff? 

natassha: from what i could decipher this is the first time they met

starknaked: he’s been hanging around bucky lately i’m not surprised 

iamthecaptainnow: oh 

—

science bros 

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner).)

7:36 AM

hulkhogan: TONY 

starknaked: I KNo IM SORRY I JUS REMEMBERE D

starknaked: WHT DO I SAY???

hulkhogan: CHANGE THE SUBJECT oR SOMERHING 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

7:37 AM

starknaked: uh 

starknaked: what do you do with a sick chemist

starknaked: if you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium

starknaked: lol!!??! right!!!!?

[read by: all, 7:38 AM]

hulkhogan: what the fuck tony 

—

[click to name chat!]

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
impeterparker (Peter Parker).)

10:17 AM

starknaked: what’s up pete 

starknaked: my main pete 

starknaked: petey 

starknaked: beter 

starknaked: skeeter

starknaked: peter parakeeter 

impeterparker: hii 

impeterparker: just finished a quiz nothing much

starknaked: cool cool cool cool 

starknaked: so 

starknaked: any plans after school? :)

impeterparker: oh uh kinda!!!?

impeterparker: my partner in psychology invited me to watch the track tryouts 

impeterparker: apparently all his friends are idiots and he’s gonna break an arm soon i don’t know the details

starknaked: lit lit

starknaked: sweaty dudes running in short shorts HOt 

starknaked: o yeah 

starknaked: sorry i didn’t pair up with you :/

impeterparker: its finee !!!

impeterparker: my partner’s fun 

impeterparker: he joked about blowing up the classroom at one point tho idk

starknaked: who?

impeterparker: i didn’t get his full name 

impeterparker: i think it’s steven? 

impeterparker: slicked hair with silver streaks 

impeterparker: which went out of style in 2017 but i don’t have the heart to tell him 

impeterparker: he kinda scares me oops

starknaked: yeah i think i know him

starknaked: sit at my table during lunch ?

impeterparker: yeah !!!

starknaked: cool cool 

—

science bros:

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner).)

starknaked: i’m going to fckin kill stephen strange

—

pass the juul 

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

10:20 AM

iamspeed: have u found my other brain cell yet 

buckoobs: we just got to the last target within distance 

buckoobs: and i’m positive this is the one 

iamspeed: how positive

buckoobs: considering this is hanging at the front

buckoobs: [wantedmugshots.jpg]

buckoobs: 100%

lokinator: we stan a legend 

 

iamspeed saved a picture to camera roll 

 

iamspeed: i am never letting her live this down 

—

search party ~> idiots 

(members:  
gotohela (Hela Odinson),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
pigeonkink (Sam Wilson).)

10:27 AM

gotohela: alright u get front and left 

gotohela: i’ll get back and right 

buckoobs: k u goth bitch

gotohela: i’ll kill u in target don’t test me

buckoobs: gucci gucci gang

—

america’s ass 

(members:  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
starknaked (Tony Stark).)

10:31 AM

starknaked: hey sbeve 

starknaked: you okay? 

iamthecaptainnow: Yeah

iamthecaptainnow: Why wouldn’t I be 

starknaked: well

starknaked: a certain dumbass(!) may have slipped up and said something Big Dumb :(

starknaked: i’m sorry

iamthecaptainnow: It was an accident 

starknaked: can i do anything???

iamthecaptainnow: No not right now 

starknaked: i know you’re upset 

starknaked: you only miss punctuation when you’re sad 

iamthecaptainnow: No I don’t.

starknaked: yeah uh huh 

starknaked: stevie ;(

starknaked: meet me in the 900’s hallway before lunch 

iamthecaptainnow: whatever Fine.

—

search party ~> idiots 

(members:  
gotohela (Hela Odinson),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
pigeonkink (Sam Wilson).)

11:23 AM 

buckoobs: F OUND THEM 

buckoobs: BUT SO SID THEG STAFF

gotohela: what

gotohela: o fuck me

gotohela: i presume all the screaming is u 

buckoobs: wAND A CRASHD INTO ISLE 

buckoobs: ZdjsjNf RUN 

gotohela: i don’t “““run””” james 

gotohela: i will walk at an excited pace to the car

buckoobs: I ST OLE HANDCFS FRO SECURYTT

buckoobs: KSHSNNSNSK S EE U THGERE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of my friends got a spider-man tattoo and another was arrested and sent to juvie so ig u could say it’s been a wild week 
> 
> -
> 
> scarlet widow and quickspider(?) are gonna meet next chapter so stay tuned sailors


	5. Who Let The Dogs Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maxifuckoff: how did clint escape the urinal lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanda shouldn’t be allowed to watch certain movies and pietro shouldn’t be allowed around cute boys.
> 
> (chat members are gonna be said before every chat bc now we have like 7 chats in each chapter so not even i can keep up lmao)
> 
> i’m actually proud of a chapter and the plot is finally kicking in lesgo

pass the juul 

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

Wednesday  
12:30 PM 

drsparklythot: i thought we agreed to go one class without someone getting sent out ???

gotohela: lmao when 

drsparklythot: ?? five ?? minutes ?? ago ??

drsparklythot: at lunch ??

gotohela: no u agreed to that 

lokinator: choose your fighter

lokinator: scott spitting his caprisun across the Big Chin vs wanda in heart shaped glasses telling thanos to fuck off 

buckoobs: two moments that not even god himself could rank 

gotohela: tag urself i’m ms hill having aneurysm vibes as she watches wanda stumble into a metal cabinet for the 3rd time 

buckoobs: scott wishes he was the cabinet 

daddylonglang: fuck off u cold slice of wheat bread

buckoobs: omg fury hasn’t murdered u yet!!!

buckoobs: how unfortunate 

daddylonglang: wandwand volunteered to go first 

daddylonglang: ms hill is ripping her a new asshole stay tuned for more at six 

gotohela: wandas always been freaky like that

daddylonglang: what 

gotohela: what 

drsparklythot: scott cause a distraction 

daddylonglang: wtf why 

drsparklythot: wanda’s higher than a kite rn and she can only manage 3 minutes of back talk before she starts crying abt sea turtles 

drsparklythot: so if u want wandwand not suspended for months i would suggest :) doing something :) 

daddylonglang: what type of distraction 

gotohela: u carry an ant farm in ur backpack get creative

daddylonglang: :/ perhaps 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

12:37 PM

hulkhogan: ISNSJS I WS PRINTING OUT OAPERS IN THE OFFICE AND SCORT LANG JUST SHATTERED AN ANT FARM EVEYWGER

hulkhogan: MR MCCOY IS JUST SCEEAMING WHAT FO I DO 

starknaked: mshdndm scort 

starknaked: try not to die 

natassha: tonight, on Snapped

clintoris: lowkey called it 

starknaked: scott’s been very tense lately no one’s surprised 

iamthecaptainnow: His obsession with ants is the only concerning thing at this point. 

starknaked: speaking of pests

starknaked: we should go to track tryouts

natassha: ew why 

starknaked: no reason 

starknaked: i thought it would be fun 

natassha: u hate everyone in track

starknaked: well maybe i’m trying to become a better person 

starknaked: a more open minded one 

starknaked: ever thought of that??? huh??? natasha?? u consider that????

natassha: what the fuck 

natassha: fine i’ll go damn 

starknaked: :))

thork: i’ll go too 

hulkhogan: i have nothing better to do 

iamthecaptainnow: I could use some fresh air rn.

clintoris: i’ll go if nat goes 

starknaked: that’s the spirit my bromies my homies my little bronies

natassha: you’re being sus

starknaked: you’re being paranoid 

natassha: for a good reason 

starknaked: irrelevant 

starknaked: :)) meet @ the empty concession stand 

—

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

1:10 PM

maxifuckoff: i’m baaaaaack ;))))

drsparklythot: dammit 

maxifuckoff: aw stephen don’t act like u don’t care

maxifuckoff: u had scotty save my ass :$

drsparklythot: a terrible decision on my part 

daddylonglang: tell me about it 

daddylonglang: me and wanda have detention for two months now :/

drsparklythot: i thought u would get more :((

daddylonglang: bitch 

drsparklythot: i would call u a dick but u lack in that department 

maxifuckoff: yoit 

maxifuckoff: we love elementary insults 

iamspeed: i’m waiting at the car hurry up sonic

maxifuckoff: don’t u have track 

iamspeed: fUCK SMSJDK 

iamspeed: i FORGO

iamspeed: T HE LCKER ROMM IS SOFSR

maxifuckoff: don’t text and run 

maxifuckoff: u might crash into someone 

iamspeed: N OI WON T 

iamspeed: FUSSBENDNSDBB BSBEBDVV VVVVVVVVVVSBSBSBBBBBBBBBBKSJSNDNj

drsparklythot: FUCK PIETRO

maxifuckoff: he crashed didn’t he 

drsparklythot: right into my fucking child

maxifuckoff: child???

maxifuckoff: who knocked ur sorry ass up 

drsparklythot: very mature 

drsparklythot: remember the junior i adopted 

maxifuckoff: i thot u adopted me :((

drsparklythot: why would i do that to myself 

maxifuckoff: youch

drsparklythot: i see tea 

drsparklythot: brb

maxifuckoff: we still have like an hour before the gates open uh

buckoobs: we should go handcuff clit barton to a urinal 

gotohela: sounds illegal im in 

—

rail us robbie rotten 

(members:  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff)  
clintoris (Clint Barton)  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes)  
pigeonkink (Sam Wilson).)

2:34 PM

natassha: Bucky where did you take Clint

buckoobs: did u really dig up this dead chat just to ask me that 

natassha: yes 

clintoris: he hndcffed me to a tOILET

buckoobs: maybe i had accomplices 

pigeonkink: what even is today 

buckoobs: a good day 

natassha: give me back my shrimp boy 

buckoobs: no 

natassha: okay 

buckoobs: what THE FUCSK D

pigeonkink: this lasagna is good 

buckoobs: SHEEH BSBC VVVVVWVVVCC

buckoobs: BSCCSK. OOSI(6(?!9765;@@

pigeonkink: this lasagna is really good 

buckoobs: NSVC LLAOSOKBD OW OW KSHS.MSOOD

buckoobs: GSVSVVV AOSITIP TSTSTOSPN

pigeonkink: you guys should try some of this lasagna 

natassha: thank you for your cooperation Bucky 

buckoobs: how did u even 

buckoobs: that was 

buckoobs: i can’t breathe 

buckoobs: i think i’m dying 

natassha: dramatic 

—

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

3:59 PM

maxifuckoff: yikey who invited starks possie 

gotohela: idk but y do they look like fuckin mercs 

maxifuckoff: they should get matching jackets 

daddylonglang: y’all r mean 

gotohela: understatement

maxifuckoff: how did clint escape the urinal lmao

buckoobs: uh i have no idea !! smdn

buckoobs: anyways 

buckoobs: thor’s arms r ripped wtf

maxifuckoff: thor is a fuccing daDDY

maxifuckoff: id switch lanes no doubt abt it 

daddylonglang: h a ha yeahh

gotohela: i just threw up in my mouth 

maxifuckoff: i’m sorry ur weird brother is unnaturally hot 

gotohela: i’m sorrry u need fucking glasses 

maxifuckoff: aw chill bb ur hot too ;)

gotohela: kiss ass 

maxifuckoff: only for u ;)))

buckoobs: i can never figure out if u guys r flirting or fighting 

maxifuckoff: can it not be both 

buckoobs: truth truth 

maxifuckoff: smh where is stephens disappointed ass

drsparklythot: talking to peter so he’s not left out punk 

maxifuckoff: add the twink to the chat

drsparklythot: it’s way too packed in here

maxifuckoff: make a new chat 

drsparklythot: it would still be full einstein 

gotohela: if u do don’t add me 

gotohela: all these notifs are getting in the way of my hoes 

maxifuckoff: u don’t have any hoes

gotohela: says the virgin 

maxifuckoff: :o

buckoobs: obliterated 

maxifuckoff: stfu buchanan 

gotohela: get off my dick and go get laid 

maxifuckoff: wow someone’s pissy 

maxifuckoff: is it bc ur in the sun for fucking once 

gotohela: READ MY USER 

maxifuckoff: YOU CANT SAY THAT EVERYTME U GET MAD 

gotohela: yes i fucking can u emo bitch 

buckoobs: JSHSKNSD WANDA NO

gotohela: throw the cup and i’ll cut u

lokinator: throw it 

maxifuckoff: HAVE U SENE TGE WIZARD OF OZ 

drsparklythot: one day. just one normal day. that’s all i ever ask for. 

lokinator: peter looks so confused skjssk save ur lil white boy stephen 

drsparklythot: ur white too 

lokinator: did i stutter 

buckoobs: what will u gain from throwing that cup

maxifuckoff: honor 

daddylonglang: UCK F WAND SA

daddylonglang: AT LEAS T AIM

buckoobs: o shit 

buckoobs: i THOUT YOU FIFNT t run HELA 

daddylonglang: RUN wNANA 

daddylonglang: wait fuck NVM UR HIGH STOP

maxifuckoff: i CAN RBN DOWN BLWACHERS SJBSVSCV .?7/?&cl bVvavBbs bbbvvvvvwvwve enzo!/!&:’ mmdldk isjdhdbev . )272$beiebdieowp

drsparklythot: fuck my life 

buckoobs: ARE YOU OAKY 

maxifuckoff: whole lotta ER shit 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

4:10 PM

starknaked: i don’t think i can emphasize this enough

starknaked: what. the. fuck.

iamthecaptainnow: Should we ask if she’s okay???

natassha: she just ate the bleachers do u think she’s okay Steve

iamthecaptainnow: :(

clintoris: hela looks so conflicted i’m crying 

hulkhogan: that AT LEAST has to be a concussion 

clintoris: more like snapchat material 

clintoris: hela really told her to walk it off ksjsjnsd

starknaked: peak entertainment 

—

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

6:47 PM

maxifuckoff: akhdbdb im good 

maxifuckoff: just a bruised shoulder hahasnnsn

iamspeed: she bought oxy from peter quill 

iamspeed: also how the FUCK did u guys manage to get thrown out in like the first hour 

maxifuckoff: apparently going down the bleachers backwards at an accelerated speed airborne is prohibited who knew 

buckoobs: if it makes u feel better clint’s snap got like 400 views

maxifuckoff: that doesn't make me feel better at all 

buckoobs: i know i just wanted to tell you skdbkssj

drsparklythot: parker asked if u want him to bring u hot chocolate tmrw

maxifuckoff: omfg i love him aksh yes uwu

—

oovoo javer

(members:  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange).)

8:40 PM 

drsparklythot: soooo

drsparklythot: ksjdkskdk pietro

iamspeed: shut up 

drsparklythot: i had no idea u were into brunettes 

iamspeed: shut up

iamspeed: i fell. thats it.

drsparklythot: sure sure 

drsparklythot: u want his number 

iamspeed: i can’t even think about it without banging my head into a wall NO I DON'T WANT HIS NUMBER 

drsparklythot: okay okay chill chill 

drsparklythot: i’ll drop it 

drsparklythot: i’m just sayin

drsparklythot: he thot u were cute 

iamspeed: BSVEVB SHUT UP STEPHEN 

drsparklythot: alr 

drsparklythot: ur loss peaches 

—

9:10 PM

iamspeed: did he actually think i was cute 

—

rail us robbie rotten

(members:  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff)  
clintoris (Clint Barton)  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes)  
pigeonkink (Sam Wilson).)

9:32 PM

buckoobs: sup fuckers 

pigeonkink: blocked and reported 

buckoobs: u say that but we all know you’ve been having an affair with me in an attempt to feel free in an unhappy marriage of 17 years with 5 kids, and a cat and 13 goldfish who are dead but u don’t have the balls to tell ur kids u forgot fish need water when you attempted to pet one, so you lie everyday that fish do in fact float, jimmy, also the only risky thing you’ve ever done since u popped the question is crash your minivan that has a weird stench of mac n cheese and frosted flakes into a tree. youre 90% sure your wife’s planning your murder because one time you came home after she had “book club” and her parrot said “aim for an artery” and she kicked it out the window. further investigation is needed.

pigeonkink: god i want to fucking murder you

natassha: aim for an artery 

pigeonkink: this is homophobia 

buckoobs: almsk why did we stop using this chat 

pigeonkink: i mean 

natassha: besides the fact that drama tore us apart like some shitty 2000’s boy band three years ago? 

pigeonkink: and it got awkward after steve and t*ny left 

clintoris: and whenever we even SAY your name the entire group blows a gasket???

buckoobs: yessum 

natassha: honestly too much testosterone

buckoobs: o 

buckoobs: [eyes emoji]

buckoobs: i see i see 

buckoobs: i gotchu natty 

 

buckoobs added maxifuckoff to the chat 

 

maxifuckoff: fuck u want robo jesus 

buckoobs: welcome to the forbidden circle wandisimo

clintoris: omg it’s my favorite opp

maxifuckoff: clit!!!

clintoris: i’ve changed my mind get out 

maxifuckoff: u can’t return damaged items

clintoris: o h 

maxifuckoff: is that my man the sam 

pigeonkink: aknssbnefn HEY 

pigeonkink: how’s ur head i saw the video 

maxifuckoff: mshm it’s finnne

natassha: Bucky 

natassha: out of all of ur screamo friends u picked Wendy Maxicough

maxifuckoff: i prefer “the long lost kardashian” but that works too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what chat to add peter in i regret making pass the juul so full


	6. Pottery Nut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iamspeed: i did not need to picture that but thank you for your contribution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you guys and sorry for the really late update. i rewrote this chapter about nine times. i ended up cutting this chapter in half and next chapter is halfway done and we’ll finally be getting real real interactions. it’s so hard not to just say “fck it they’re getting together now.” lol

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

Thursday  
7:13 AM 

maxifuckoff: today is not the day fellas 

daddylonglang: :(((((whyyyyyy 

maxifuckoff: i feel like i fucked a tractor 

maxifuckoff: but!!! i was the bottom 

gotohela: imagine being surprised 

maxifuckoff: oh ??

maxifuckoff: i wasn’t aware it was bitch o’clock

gotohela: aren’t u supposed to be in bliss or some shit 

maxifuckoff: can’t afford more oxy ;;)):)/&) love that

maxifuckoff: if it wasn’t for baby angel sugar sweet peter parker someone would be dead 

maxifuckoff: preferably flash thompson but i’m not picky 

drsparklythot: it’s cute how u ditch school every other day EXCEPT the day you’re critically injured 

maxifuckoff: keep talkin shit stephen 

maxifuckoff: i have no problem beating ur ass like sophomore year 

drsparklythot: it’s against my morals to kick one when down 

drsparklythot: and you are very very down 

maxifuckoff: on ur mom ha

gotohela: stephen strange? swinging at wanda? my favorite cup of juice 

buckoobs: i’m switching to art 

maxifuckoff: pls do i hate everyone here 

gotohela: >:( 

maxifuckoff: not u bb 

gotohela: >:)

daddylonglang: r u still pressed bucket 

buckoobs: fuck pottery 

daddylonglang: it’s wasn’t /that/ embarrassing 

buckoobs: i’m never showing my face again 

maxifuckoff: lmao what happened 

daddylonglang: well 

buckoobs: DONT

daddylonglang: buckys arm did The Shimmy like gatnam style bass boosted was playing and he took out like three pottery machines and now his nice pale big hulky toned muscled defined forearm is orange and he owes the school two desks 

daddylonglang: oops 

buckoobs: that is literally the worst way you could have explained it 

lokinator: wanda would’ve done a worse job

maxifuckoff: haters gonna hate 

buckoobs: :(((

buckoobs: i’m gonna go chill with the janitor he’s a real one 

maxifuckoff: maxwell just gets it 

gotohela: i think we’re all missing the point here

gotohela: did u get it on video 

daddylonglang: i was busy running for my life 

daddylonglang: this Supreme sweatshirt is not compatible with pottery nut 

gotohela: you’re a waste of space 

daddylonglang: tea no shade just facts 

iamspeed: buddy,,

maxifuckoff: scott we’ve talked about this

—

12:03 PM

iamspeed: wannnnnnda where r u 

iamspeed: i’m lonely and stephen is playing with spoons again :/

drsparklythot: i refuse to let loki have a talent i cannot master 

gotohela: mood 

gotohela: she’s at my place 

gotohela: we dipped 

iamspeed: what are you guys doingg

iamspeed: u better not be getting high again 

gotohela: mhm

iamspeed: you’re smoking 

gotohela: no 

drsparklythot: then what’re u doing?

gotohela: go back to ur spoons bitch boy

lokinator: leave My Man alone 

gotohela: gay 

iamspeed: as much as i love mutual roasting,,

iamspeed: answer the question 

lokinator: [eyes emoji]

drsparklythot: yeah wandwand

drsparklythot: what r u doing 

maxifuckoff: we’re doing homework 

iamspeed: so you are getting high. 

gotohela: why would u say /that/ 

gotohela: out of all the excuses 

maxifuckoff: i PANICKED 

lokinator: we a k 

gotohela: shut up ur choking on the blunt like it’s the pe teacher’s dick 

maxifuckoff: wah

lokinator: exbosed

iamspeed: i did not need to picture that but thank you for your contribution 

iamspeed: wanda u better show up to sixth 

iamspeed: clint’s ugly ass is asking for u 

—

[click to name chat!]

(members:  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff),  
lokinator (Loki Odinson).)

2:07 PM

natassha: project work. when. where.

lokinator: hello to u too hunty 

lokinator: uhhh idk 

natassha: my place? 

lokinator: ew no 

lokinator: i don’t wanna get taken out by the russian mafia with only a highlighter to defend myself 

natassha: the fuck 

natassha: i have the sudden urge to put ur head through a window 

lokinator: aw ur so adorable !!!

lokinator: so tiny and full of spite

lokinator: my place tmrw at like 5

lokinator: no explosives 

natassha: whatever rat 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

3:00 PM

natassha: @thork can i beat ur brother’s ass

thork: you’d be surprised how many times i’ve been asked this 

iamthecaptainnow: Natasha, you said you wouldn’t start anymore fights... :/

natassha: i won’t start it 

natassha: i’ll just finish it

iamthecaptainnow: That’s??? Worse???

natassha: it’s all about morals 

clintoris: amsnsbeb remember when natasha n bruce whooped loki’s ass freshman year 

starknaked: what a time that was to be alive 

hulkhogan: not my proudest moment

natassha: i was proud 

iamthecaptainnow: We know, Natasha.

natassha: i’m still proud 

iamthecaptainnow: We know, Natasha.

starknaked: howard is big dipping y’all wanna chill at my place 

hulkhogan: yeah my dads being jerk rn 

thork: :((

thork: i can carpool

natassha: i’m down ur mom’s hot 

starknaked: bruh if u don’t 

iamthecaptainnow: i’m gonna go on a jog and then i’ll swing by 

clintoris: we stan an athletic mans

clintoris: thor i’m at wanda’s place i’ll message u the address 

thork: k i’m gonna grab nat first and then i’ll head over 

starknaked: why r u there 

clintoris: we’re working on the project 

starknaked: that’s sus 

clintoris: how 

starknaked: since when does maximoff do work 

clintoris: she has this rule that she /actually/ works on projects bc it’s a group grade 

starknaked: ig even The Worst have morals 

natassha: idk i think that’s p chill 

natassha: i wish loki was the fuckin same

natassha: dude just sits there with his arms crossed during class sulking

natassha: i want to sock him in his little angular face 

iamthecaptainnow: Nat…

natassha: i said /i want/ to

natassha: not i’m /going/ to 

natassha: i’m not gonna fight him 

iamthecaptainnow: Good. 

natassha: until the projects done

iamthecaptainnow: No.

thork: nat i’m omw 

starknaked: rhodey is comin too 

natassha: thank god 

natassha: i fuckin love Rhodey

natassha: my actual dad 

iamthecaptainnow: He bullies me… :(

starknaked: a small price we pay to be in the presence of a god 

—

pass the juul

(members:  
lokinator (Loki Odinson),  
daddylonglang (Scott Lang),  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff),  
iamspeed (Pietro Maximoff),  
drsparklythot (Stephen Strange),  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes),  
gotohela (Hela Odinson).)

5:34 PM

lokinator: if i go MIA tmrw tell the police natasha did it

maxifuckoff: bold of u to assume the police would believe 6 crackheads

lokinator: what about stephen 

maxifuckoff: *** 5 crackheads and stephen 

iamspeed: i need help 

lokinator: get in line bleach bitch

iamspeed: guess what roach 

iamspeed: you’ve been whining abt natasha all week newsflash no one cares 

iamspeed: let me have my moment 

lokinator: whatever manwhore 

iamspeed: i need help talking to a boy 

gotohela: well go ahead just slap my ass while fucking me sidways with a mop bc i was /not/ expecting that 

maxifuckoff: i’m going to hell for reading that

gotohela: when was i supposed to find out both u fuckers r gay 

maxifuckoff: we both came out sophomore year what 

gotohela: no 

maxifuckoff: yeah 

maxifuckoff: remember i broke stephens bike while doing it 

lokinator: sophomore wanda was a legend

drsparklythot: i fuckin remember 

maxifuckoff: i apologized don’t get bitter again 

drsparklythot: a cold grilled cheese sandwich is not an apology for a 500 DOLLAR BICYCLE 

maxifuckoff: scott would appreciate it 

daddylonglang: :))

maxifuckoff: and and and 

maxifuckoff: u looked like E.T while riding it if anything u should be thanking me 

drsparklythot: i swear to GOD

gotohela: didn’t pietro make out with that blonde thot at the movies what 

maxifuckoff: he’s bi do you not pay attention to anything 

gotohela: i’ve been told it’s one of my few faults 

lokinator: f e w

gotohela: shut the fuck up and go take a shower

lokinator: damn bitch okay 

iamspeed: ??? why does this always happen whenever i try to talk in here 

buckoobs: too many chaotic gays it’s just how it is 

iamspeed: u know what nvm i’ll figure this out myself 

iamspeed: goodnight 

maxifuckoff: what

drsparklythot: o h

lokinator: oop i think we pissed him off 

maxifuckoff: great 

maxifuckoff: now i gotta comfort him even tho i’m emotionally stunted from a childhood of trauma 

maxifuckoff: byyyye

lokinator: k but i felt that

buckoobs: it hit way too close 

gotohela: did someone say sister of the year

lokinator: u can’t fucking relate 

gotohela: lol u right 

—

oompa loompas got ass

(members:  
starknaked (Tony Stark),  
iamthecaptainnow (Steve Rogers),  
clintoris (Clint Barton),  
hulkhogan (Bruce Banner),  
thork (Thor Odinson),  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff).)

Friday  
6:53 AM

iamthecaptainnow: Thank god it’s finally friday :)).

iamthecaptainnow: This week has been ass.

starknaked: le gasp

starknaked: if steve’s cussing i expect nat to murder someone soon

natassha: considering i have an appointment at the Odinson’s later it’s possible 

thork: what :o

natassha: Loki didn’t tell u?

natassha: he refuses to step foot in my house so i have to come to ur place 

thork: :) i can't wait to see u 

natassha: i literally see u in like 4 of my classes 

thork: i start missing you 

natassha: my biological mom can’t relate 

starknaked: mood 

—

rail us robbie rotten

(members:  
natassha (Natasha Romanoff)  
clintoris (Clint Barton)  
buckoobs (Bucky Barnes)  
pigeonkink (Sam Wilson)  
maxifuckoff (Wanda Maximoff).)

7:14 AM

buckoobs: i’m tardy again love that 

buckoobs: watch me get suspended bc of tardies before i get caught intoxicated

maxifuckoff: we love a functioning school system

maxifuckoff: oH speaking of weed quill’s out of oxy until saturday but he offered me a free edible bc app they’re like mad gross

maxifuckoff: and i took it bc why not but then i almost puked in the hallway he wasn’t lying 

natassha: it’s barely first period and you already took something?

maxifuckoff: yuh

maxifuckoff: it was like the size of my pinky nail tho i doubt it’ll actually hit 

pigeonkink: bc that’s reassuring 

natassha: sounds like foreshadowing ngl 

maxifuckoff: :))

—

10:45 AM

maxifuckoff: fuck 

maxifuckoff: FUCK 

maxifuckoff: i think it just hit 

buckoobs: scale 1-10

maxifuckoff: 4.5

maxifuckoff: my left leg and arm just went numb for a minute and my vision blurred but i think i’m good 

natassha: isn’t that a symptom of a stroke 

maxifuckoff: OH MY GOD 

maxifuckoff: what do i do???????????

maxifuckoff: i’m dying i’m dying i’m 

buckoobs: ur not having a stroke calm down 

buckoobs: drink some water i’ll meet u after class

maxifuckoff: okay okay okay 

maxifuckoff: if i pass out don’t call an ambulance erik will kill me 

natassha: don’t know who erik is but k 

—

10:54 AM

pigeonkink: my favorite thing is wanda slurring her words and bucky looking like he’s having an aneurysm trying to understand her 

buckoobs: her accent + cotton mouth is actual keyboard smashes idk what to do 

natassha: “i doubt it’ll actually hit”

natassha: called it 

maxifuckoff: i cant stop laughing i ened help 

maxifuckoff: ms walters is just staring at me skdjskw

maxifuckoff: i see pete im gonna go sleep under his desk

buckoobs: parker or quill

maxifuckoff: parker

maxifuckoff: quill is canceled 

maxifuckoff: actually ima go confront him brb

maxifuckoff: on text bc i’m struggling to walk

maxifuckoff: not bc i’m a little bitch

maxifuckoff: bc i’m not

maxifuckoff: just fyi

natassha: is this a normal friday for you guys 

buckoobs: unfortunately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just made a tumblr! it’s @drunkfishv so :) i’ll eventually post updates about writing on there and ect! 
> 
> next chapter will be sometime within this coming week :)


End file.
